Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
