So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
