Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
