so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
