Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
