I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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