Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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