Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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