Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
