omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
