Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
cat food counts as protein by the way
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
