Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
