im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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