I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
