i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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