I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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