hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
