If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
