Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
