Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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