I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
