If that was your dad, he is hot
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
