honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
