I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
