im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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