I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
