Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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