i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
