I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
