My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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