Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
