So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
