Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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