Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
