I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
