dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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