I've blown a few things in my day
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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