Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
