He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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