On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
