My first STD was from a foam party
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
