i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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