Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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