I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
