WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Soap is not a condiment
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
