is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
