It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
