Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You dont lie about slip and slides
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
