Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We have started to decorate penises.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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