I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
