There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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