4 words: hood of his car
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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